I, for one, endeavor to write blog posts that make you think or empower you to be a better you. At times I may write something that may make you laugh. However, laughter sometimes masks pain.

With that being said, this post is not funny, but real. We talking arguments. Some may not like that term.  Some may choose to call it disagreements, heated conversation, a debate even. Whatever you call it make sure you engage the correct way.

I’m not saying my way is the best way to handle these trying moments in your life. What I am saying is there are ways to make sure the point stays the point and the discussion (heated or not) is productive.

Methods for the Madness?

It can be real simple, but in the moment when tempers are flared, ears are closed, and you are trying to make sure your point is heard you almost all conscience thought goes out the window.

Let’s get that conscience thought back.

  1. Slow the convo down – when making this most important step work you MUST close your mouth first, then open your ears and listen to what the other person is saying. Even if you feel you already understand their point. Now you are not listening for what they are saying you are listening for what they are not saying. Many people don’t know how to actually say what the real problem is. So you have to slow down the convo at times asking them to repeat themselves. This will give them a minute to let them hear them self. Sometime this is enough to end the discussion.
  2. Don’t go down the rabbit hole – what this means is stay on subject. A lot of people tend to argue based on a word or two that was spoken that may be either challenging for them to understand and the definition of the word(s) may be different than what they thought the word meant or they feel that word makes everything you said wrong because you used “always” for example. This is the epitome of the rabbit hole. If the subject is a potato only argue your position about the potato, the gravy doesn’t matter unless it was the gravy that was the problem the whole time. In that case say that and quickly apologize and state not the potato I meant the gravy. Truth is they may have had a problem with the gravy the whole time too.
  3. Don’t raise your voice – realize raising your voice can and usually does make the argument change from the subject to the voice being raised. No one likes to be yelled at. Inflections of words, tempo of speech, mannerisms, and facial expressions say a lot already without the need to raise your voice.
  4. No publicity – this means not in front of others if you can help it. Numerous people feel the need to prove them-self when others are present. To this end they will do and say whatever they can to claim a win in the argument in the eyes of the onlookers. This in turn takes you right back to number 2.
  5. Only argue about what really matters – trivial arguments can increase blood pressure, stress levels, headaches, make for bad work and/or living situations. To keep a low stress household or work environments only argue about the things that actually matter to you. The one challenge with this is you must know yourself and what actually matters to you. If you don’t like potatoes and don’t eat potatoes why argue about them. The outcome will not make a difference for you either way.

I hope these five points will help to arm you for you next verbal engagement and actually defuse a situation that may turn physical if someone wears there heart on their sleeve or they have a short fuse.

If you have any pointers make sure you jump down in the comments and post them. I definitely would like to read them. Also, if you read this article just before a verbal altercation and used any of these pointers I would like to read about that too.