Author: hellokhaiyah

my music rotation – sept. 2017

my music rotation consists of new music, old music and everything in between. I like to rediscover music i’ve already listened to or find songs i didn’t listen to on albums that I loved. my music can also be any genre because i love music! i will listen to anything from classical to hip hop to rap to pop to rock to alternative to… well you get the idea. so these are the songs that have some heavy play from hellokhaiyah.

listen to the playlist as you read about the songs

Miguel – Skywalker, Coffee

Image result for miguel skywalker

skywalker is his new single. the song features travis scott and it has a “coolin’ it at the party” vibe. i don’t really know, it just has sweet vibes and i’m about it. i #loveit . coffee is a song from the “wildheart” album that came out two years ago. the song is literally talking about going to sleep and then waking up in the morning and it has that type of feel. sleeping to this song is nice because of the mellifluous voice of Miguel. #yesplease

Paramore – Misguided Ghosts, Hallelujah

Related image

misguided ghosts is a song from the “brand new eyes” album from about eight years ago. this song has been out for eight years and i listened to this album all the time and yet i had never heard this song before. who am i? anyway, this song is an acoustic which i especially like because if you know Paramore, they are an alternative band and it is difficult to find a song without an electric guitar or drums. Finding this completely acoustic, more heartfelt and slower songs was like i won the lottery. Hayley Williams’ voice is melodic and simple in this song with no screaming and not too many dynamics. The sheer simplicity of this song makes the song easier to connect to. hallelujah is a song from the “riot” album from ten years ago. i always skipped over this song and i’m not sure why because currently i am obsessed with it. contrary to misguided ghosts, hallelujah includes lots of guitar and more screaming, but also contrary to popular belief it isn’t displeasing to the ears. it actually sounds amazing. that is the only way i can put it. i love the buildup and climax near the end of the song where we get to a mini guitar solo and a stronger repeat of the chorus. this song is… amazing.

dvsn – With Me, Do It Well, The Line

Image result for dvsn

all three of these songs are from the “SEPT. 5TH” album that came out last year. i think this whole album consists of songs that you can listen to while laying on your bed and staring at the ceiling. i love those types of songs because you literally don’t have to do anything. all you have to do when you are listening to this album is get lost in the music. all three songs have lots of harmonies and a relaxed feel. i call these songs “get high” songs because i feel like this is what all music would sound like when you are high… not that i could even remotely know.

Brent Faiyaz – Invite Me

Related image

invite me is a song off of the “A.M. Paradox” EP. this song is about a guy basically telling a girl that beauty isn’t an issue for her and that she should “invite him” to “be with her”. this song has similar vibes to the dvsn album making it fall into “get high” song category or the “stare at the ceiling and think about life” category. honestly, i don’t if any of these songs can go into these categories anymore because i’ll listen to any song and stare at the ceiling so…

Frank Ocean – SoloRelated image

solo is on the “blonde” album that came out last year. i like this song because frank ocean’s rap/singing on top of this sort of organ/piano instrument with minimal background vocals make this song extremely raw. when we hit the chorus you can simply hear the passion and talent in ocean’s voice and through the powerful runs he uses. then at the end he seems to just be improving and they kind of sound like bird calls which may turn you off, but don’t! this song is #feels.

Sabrina Claudio – Unravel Me

Related image

unravel me is a single that came out this year. this song is categorized under R&B/Soul, but I also think it is kind of alternative just because of the way the chorus sounds honestly. her vocals are so soothing and the bass beat and claps work together to make the basis of the beat with little things added to make the song what it is and her lovely voice is like icing on the cake. i would highly recommend listening to her album “confidently lost” and her other single “belong to you” because they are bops and they all have the same #feels type feel (if that makes sense).

NAO – Dywm

Related image

dywm stands for “Do You Want Me” and this song is on the album “For All We Know” that came out last year. NAO has this very high light and somewhat airy voice and it contradicts well with the backing of the powerful bass guitar in the chorus and throughout the song. the backing vocals create harmonies that take this song to the top. the end of the song showcases these harmonies quite well and coincidentally this is also one of my favorite parts of the whole song.

Drake – Teenage Fever

Related image

teenage Fever is on the “More Life” album that came out this year. Now we all know Drake and honestly it will be endless if i try to describe my love for Drake and his beautiful voice. So just check this song out because like every other song i have put on this list it is also #feels. #ilovedrake #justinbieberisbetterthough 🙂

Chance the Rapper – Juke Jam

Related image

juke jam is from the “Coloring Book” album that released last year. First of all let me say, Chance the Rapper has this (i really don’t want to use this word, but for lack of a better one) “swagger” about him that really escapes well through his voice and his sing/rap/talk combo makes for a real low-key song. this song is way better than it should be actually because of my husband on the chorus. Justin Bieber sends this song to another stratosphere and it is a complete yes for me.

LOLAWOLF – House Key

Image result for lolawolf everyf*ckinday

house key is from the “Everyf*ckinday” EP that came out two years ago. this ep is categorized under R&B/Soul which I can understand because of the beat, but the way the voices are on top sounds alternative, but who am i to categorize songs, right? this song is much different than the other songs i have on this list, but what can i say “variety makes for a larger audience”. i heard this song on the movie “Before I Fall” which is an amazing movie btw, and I was like “yooooo, i like this song”. this song is basically about a guy needing to return the girls’ house key because the relationship is over. the whole ep is pretty cool and you should check it out.

Big Sean – Marvin & ChardonnayRelated image

so y’all know I had to do this. of course, I need a club banger on here. well this song isn’t necessarily a club banger, but it is more of a banger than Amy Winehouse. am i right? this song is from the “Finally Famous” album that came out six years ago. i think i love this song so much because of the catchy chorus and it also showcases old school Kanye which I love much better than this new Kanye, just saying. give this a listen when you want to pick up a party or just a pick me up honestly. this song is just a bop overall.

HAIM – Kept Me Crying

Related image

i love HAIM and i really loved their last album “days are gone” and I had been waiting and finally four years later… another album. kept me crying is from their new album that came out this year titled “Something to Tell You”. this song starts slow and kind of soft and it picks up lightly by the time the chorus hit with a somewhat acapella moment accompanied to claps. i think this is a good breakup song (not that i have any experience in that, trust me). also, the sisters’ intuitive harmonies in this song are just blasé blasé.

21 Savage – Thug Life

Related image

yesssssssss! I know you have been waiting for 21 Savage and so have i. i #love 21 Savage, his “Slaughter King” album was on repeat for a solid… year. thug life is on the new “Issa Album” that came out this year. the song begins with an old school sample of En Vogue’s “Giving Him Something He Can Feel” kind of tricks you into thinking this song will be soft, but he still comes into this song saying all the same things he said in his past albums. I do have to say “Issa Album” is a bit less “shoot, kill, imma blood” than the past albums which is what many people liked about him, but “Issa Album” is still litty. 10 out of 10 would recommend.

Amy Winehouse – Some Unholy War

Related image

Amy Amy Amy. some unholy war is from the “Back to Black” album that came out 11 years ago. i love this song because of the authentic feel with all of the real instruments and the kind of “doo wop” vocals in the background paired with Amy’s raspy and harsh yet smooth voice. her passion as we enter the end of the song gives me chills and if you ever want to hear real music, this is where you should go.

Madison Beer – Dead

Image result for madison beer dead

i think we all knew i was going to put a pop song on here because really who is hellokhaiyah? i don’t know. if you find out let me know. this single came out this year and i just think it had to be included because minus the chorus the song actually has an R&B type feel which really drew me in when i first heard the song. the chorus kind of grows on you, but i think they only made the chorus “pop-like” to “fit the mold” i think they could’ve went a much better direction with the chorus. the words are actually really funny “if you say you can’t live without me, why aren’t you dead yet?” i feel like that is to all those creepy guys that just won’t give it up like, dude, leave me alone, lol.

Travis Scott – through the late night

Related image

this song is from the “Birds in the Trap Sing McKnight” that was released last year. i am so in love with this song because of Kid Cudi’s vocals throughout the beginning. Can we just come to a consensus that he is the best “hummer” ever. Like literally in the beginning of the song he is just humming and making little riffs with his voice and it sounds so soothing and melodic and amazing and now i am fan girling. oh, travis scott’s part is pretty good, too.

Miley Cyrus – Inspired

Related image

inspired is a single that came out this year and yes it is pop. what is a music rotation without a lil Miley. so this song is very simple and acoustic. it sounds like one of those songs you just come up with while your with friends and it just comes out naturally. that is what i love about this song. i also think many people forget that Miley can actually sing. like she isn’t like all of those other Disney stars that just have an album for the heck of it. like her dad is Billy Ray for goodness sakes. when she belts the notes out it actually sounds beautiful and it is much more difficult than you might think to yell out a note like that and stay on key and not sound like you are trying to kill horses so, applauds from me Miley.

Kanye West – Through the Wire

Related image

through the wire is from the College Dropout album that came out 14 years ago. first of all i love this song because old school Kanye is the best Kanye. second, i love this song because here he is rapping about real things and his real life experience, now he raps about things that don’t particularly mean anything to, well… me anymore. regular people can’t relate to balling out in Givenchy, but people still like that music so, who am i, right?

Sonder – Feel

Related image

this song is from the “Into” album that came out this year. this song is literally the epitome of #feels. I mean, come on, the name of the song is literally “FEEL”. that is enough evidence for me. about to go listen to this song and stare at the ceiling brb. anyway, i just like the low-key aspect of this song and the light voice on top singing about how a girl must not be able to feel what she wants anymore and she doesn’t love.

Daniel Caesar – Get You

Image result for daniel caesar get you

get you was a single, but now it is featured on his new album “Freudian” that came out this year. i like this song because it is really unbelievable that the voice in the song is coming out of the guy in the picture. it also just has the #feels and i think you have begun to see the trend folks.

One Direction – If I Could Fly

Image result for one direction made in the a.m

okay. okay. i know what you are saying. khaiyah what the heck? one direction? are you kidding me? no i am not kidding you and honestly i am genuinely sorry i have included them on this list, but it had to be done because this song just kicks all the emotions into high gear and i like when a song can make you feel real emotions and that is the only reason it is on the list. btw, if i could fly is from the “Made in the A.M.” album from two years ago.

Bryson Tiller – MoneyProblems/BenzTruck

Image result for bryson tiller true to self

what is a rotation without my main man B. Tiller? this song is off of the “True to Self” album that came out this year. I like this song because of the beat and because it just talks about his glo up and I like when artists can rap about where they came from and how no one believed in them and they came out on top. i love a good “started from the bottom” story.

Jon Bellion – Guillotine

Related image

guillotine is a song from “the human condition” album that came out last year. i love guillotine because it incorporates many different types of songs into one. and i can’t explain it any better than the man himself. Jon uploaded a whole video about the making of this song and i think this will make you like the song just as much as me.

Jeremih – Paradise

Related image

paradise is from the late nights album that came out two years ago. please do not judge me for this… i heard this song on the end of a keeping up with the kardashians episode. DO NOT judge this song simply because of that because this song has a very nice vibe. the song sounds kind of solemn with the acoustic guitar playing in the background and jeremih’s silky vocals in front.

Kendrick Lamar – LUST. , LOVE.

Related image

LUST. and LOVE. are both off of the DAMN. album that came out this year. LUST. begins with a riff that repeats and plays throughout the entire song. every time i hear this song i just want to completely focus on the song and bob my head because it just has that aura about it. his rhymes in this song are so effortless that you aren’t as focused only on them as you are the feel of the entire song. not to mention the chorus is catchy in a weird sort of way. speaking of catchy choruses LOVE. was on repeat in my brain for a solid three months before i listened to anything else. was it just me or did we all think that ZACARI sounded just like Justin Bieber on this song and that he probably would’ve sounded amazing on it? just me? okay. anyway, LOVE. starts with ZACARI singing oh so beautifully the catchy chorus i was talking about and in this he sings a beautiful falsetto that just had to be acknowledged. this song has a peaceful vibe to it and then the bass comes in and the drum hit making the song yet another bop. Kendrick’s flow in this song is so easy to listen to and catch on to quickly. while we are on Kendrick Lamar i completely recommend this whole album because even though some of the songs are a little overplayed the whole album was amazing when it came out and it still is. give it a listen.

Sam Hunt – Drinkin’ Too Much

Image result for sam hunt drinkin too much

drinkin’ too much is a single that came out this year and it is categorized under country. can i just say that i love Sam Hunt? i really do. his country style is not only tolerable, but very enjoyable. you’ll find that country music isn’t my first choice, but if you can give me a good country artist to listen to that i can vibe with, i’m all about it. i think i especially like his style and this song specifically because of his sing/talk talent. he literally talks on top of a beat and then sings at the chorus which also by the way sounds completely amazing. he has this voice like, you know when you are talking at night and you are kind of tired and you are gonna fall asleep, but you don’t quite want to stop talking because the conversation you are having is too good? this song has that kind of vibe, but ten times better with his singing. check it out.

Sleeping At Last-Sun,Turning Page,Saturn

Related image

sun is from the atlas: space 1 – EP that came out 4 years ago. I absolutely love the light and airy voice of Ryan O’Neal because it is so strong yet light and beautiful… very serene. these are the type of songs that make you think really hard about your life and kind of want to cry because of how lucky you are. i really love the piano in this song and how intricate the music is in general. it reminds me so much of an orchestra and when they pay behind a singer. by the second half of the song we have hit the climax and everything is strong and then it starts to tone down again at the end to just pull you right back into the song just when you thought it couldn’t get any better. the songs of Sleeping At Last are the type of songs you dance to whether it be contemporary or lyrical or maybe even ballet. Turning Page is a single that came out six years ago. the song starts with a melodic piano solo and Ryan enters in softly. I wouldn’t be the best person ever if i didn’t tell you that they included this song in Grey’s Anatomy and that just makes this song ten times better because it will give you all the feels of the episode every time you listen to it. Saturn is from the Albas: Year One album that came out 4 years ago. Saturn starts peacefully with a violin and what sounds like a cello, but i could be very wrong because i do not play these instruments though i really really wish i did. at the one minute mark the piano comes in and seems to take over the lead spot in instruments with still no singing from Ryan until around two minutes and some. still coming in peacefully and growing with the instruments in unison.

John Mayer – Neon, Free Fallin’, In Your Atmosphere

Image result for john mayer where the light is wallpaper

i listened to all of the songs on the Where the Light Is: John Mayer Live in Los Angeles album because the best versions of John are live versions. am i right? or am i wrong? let me know in the comments. neon is the first song and the album and also coincidentally the first song i listen to and the first song i fell in love with on the album. i played this song two times a day everyday for a month. no joke. this live version starts with John doing this long riff on his guitar and he starts to sing around the one minute and thirty second mark. his raspy and strong voice make the whole crowd mesmerized and enraptured in his talent. the song grows and falls and it is beautiful. by the way this is a pop album that came out ten years ago. free fallin’ is such a good one and i love it because it has that feel where you are in the backyard of your friends’ house and y’all are just singing songs together at night. in your atmosphere also… starts with a guitar! are you surprised? this song is much like the other two in relation to the vibe, but very different in it’s own right because of the words and chords etc etc, but this one also just stuck with me for no particular reason. I first heard this songs on Monica Church’s vlog channel and it was a bop then much like it is now.

ZAYN – fOol fOr YoU

Image result for zayn mind of mine

this song is from the Mind of Mine album that came out last year and it is categorized as pop. when i heard that ZAYN was no longer in One Direction I was kind of sad for them, but then immediately happy for ZAYN because that is what he had wanted forever. I like this song particularly because it shows off his vocals very well especially his falsetto cause he is hitting those notes honey. this song begins with piano and then ZAYN enters very peacefully, but i promise the song has so much feeling and the power comes in later.

A Boogie wit da Hoodie – Artist

Image result for a boogie wit da hoodie

artist is from the album artist that came out last year. I listen to songs on this album all the time, especially my sh*t, and i never heard the song artist. i listened to it a couple weeks ago and now i haven’t been able to turn it off. A Boogie wit da Hoodie has a distinct kind of voice and the rapping in this song is combined with singing and it just makes me want to move my shoulders to the beat as it plays cause this song is lit. trust me, i don’t think this would be played in the club, but loud in the car at night on the highway is the perfect scene for this song.

Mac Miller – My Favorite Part

Image result for mac miller divine feminine wallpaper

my favorite part is from the album the divine feminine that came out last year. this song features his now girlfriend Ariana Grande which adds a certain spirit to the song that just gives it this old school feel and flow. Mac singing in this song is oddly beautiful because he isn’t about to win any best singer awards, but the words he is singing and his effort doesn’t sound bad. when Ariana’s voice comes up in the second half of the song everything comes together to beauty and that is why this song is a good listen.

if you have made it to the end of this very very long post, CONGRATS you just got lots and lots of fresh new music for your rotation! let me know, which songs you like and those you don’t in the comments. ALSO tell me some of the songs in your rotation right now because i need new music despite what you might think this list isn’t enough. LASTLY there are many many more songs that i know of and listen that just didn’t happen to make it on the list, but i love all music so don’t be afraid to make suggestions!! thanks for reading this post 🙂

hellokhaiyah <3


I’m finally in Costa Rica! And let me just say this is the craziest thing I’ve ever done in my entire life. Literally, my family and I have packed up our entire life (albeit we let more than enough go) and came to Costa Rica. 🙂 We are currently living in Puriscal in this amazing home. It really is beautiful. Most of the beauty comes from the view which let me say is breathtaking. This is because we are in the mountains and we can see everything from here. Even the water! (Which I haven’t seen yet myself, I’ve only heard about it… but I believe it is true!) One thing I didn’t think I would see up here were… cows. I hear them and see them all the time. Morning, afternoon, night… cows. It is honestly insane. The same way you’ll see goats on the side of mountains, this was the cows. On the side of the mountains just… chilling. I was appalled and honestly I still am. Not to mention these cows look nothing like the cows in the United States. (So people the cows you are eating aren’t real!!! They are pumped with hormones and they are terrible for your bodies.) These cows look like… horses. Of course you can tell when a cow is a cow, but these cows were muscular and built. They looked like they could actually run, while all the other cows I’ve ever seen in my life looked like they could barely walk. Just sad. Sad, sad, sad.

Like I said we are living in the mountains, but despite that the air here is so much clearer and fresher. Whenever I used to go outside it was just for air, but here I’m getting fresh air and you can feel the difference. Speaking of, the temperature is always great here. It doesn’t really even get to 80 degrees and there is always a breeze. In the midday you could be outside and still get all your vitamin d without burning up. This is a major plus for me because I like, never went outside in the US. Like, ever. I’m not bashing the US because I love the United States. It is an amazing place and to be completely honest, when I’m done traveling the world (who knows when that will be) I will most likely come back to live there. Let’s hope by then it isn’t overrun with conspiracies and dirty people in the government anymore.

I also believe that being here is allowing me to find another (much better) version of myself. I hope that when I leave Costa Rica, I will leave more in tune with my body and more aware of myself. I hope that when I leave Costa Rica, I will be the best me I have been in my entire life.

P.S. there are lots of bugs. lots. i even saw a scorpion. yikes. oh and dogs. no leashes. just dogs. everywhere.


hellokhaiyah <3


i’m tired of being stagnant.

i’m sick of waiting.

times are changing.

i welcome change like a new best friend.

So, this post marks the end of a chapter and the beginning of *another one* *DJ Khaled voice*. I am only seventeen and that alone is a weird statement. Some would say I’m so young and that I have the rest of my life to… live. But in the same sense many others would argue that everyday I sit at home alone is a day wasted. I wouldn’t necessarily say that I agree with either one of these radical statements. I do think that I have lots of time left (I don’t plan on dying anytime soon) and I also think that sometimes I spend a bit too much time by myself. I’m fine being alone and I’ve learned to enjoy those moments, but I think that the time is now. I can’t trap myself anymore in the this bubble I’ve created. In the past, I believed that I was doing what was best for myself. I thought that staying alone was good. There were many moments when I wanted to go places and meet people, but those moments were short lived because I didn’t think I could be that person. You know. The person that is always going places and meeting new people. The person that stays in one place for two seconds and goes somewhere else because they can’t stand being still for too long.

But. Things are changing in my life. Big things.

I will no longer be living my life the way I’ve lived it for the past seventeen years. I will be embarking on a new journey with my family and this will be nothing like anything I have ever done in my entire life. I’ve only ever lived in one state my entire life. I have never been of the east side of the US and that is just pitiful. There is so much world; so much earth; so many people; so many things; and I’m going to see it all. This not wishful thinking anymore. I am serious. I’m going to see the world. Sooner than you know.

I’m standing on the edge of life. And now. I’m jumping.


why do i have to start posts this way?

sorry. I am back. that’s all that matters. right?

so, you much like me, must be wondering where the heck Justin Bieber has gone? Well let me be the first to tell you he hasn’t left. are you confused? let me explain. (mind you I am referring to music in this post, btw)

So Justin released an album awhile ago titled “Purpose.” Which I like to call his redemption album because he was doing a bunch of crazy stuff during and after his release of the album “Journals.” This may be where you are his “Purpose” album came out and you haven’t heard any new music since. Personally, I’d like to believe he is making an amazing album right now and it’s going to be a major hit when it comes out but, in the meantime what are you going to do? Tired of replaying all his old songs? Can’t seem to find any new music from him? I have come to put you out of your misery.

Justin has actually released a lot of singles and no they are not his, so maybe that is why you are missing them. Technically what he is doing right now is featuring on other people’s albums and he is killing it. Did you expect anything less? These are all his new songs since the “Purpose” album. Binge listen to them over and over again like I did (and am still doing). Maybe these wonderful songs can hold you over until the big release of his next album….




i have listened to all these songs and “deja vu” is the newest one and let me just tell you it is ah-mazing 😉



so the summer will be over very shortly for me in the sense that i am going back to school the week after next and i’m not too sure what that means just yet for my blog…

so if you’ve been reading my blog for a long time you would know that during the school year my blog is very unsuccessful. i think last year i wasn’t as worried or passionate about my blog as i am now. i think it took me a while to realize what my blog could really be and what it already is. on the first week of school i had a post everyday ft my first week of school outfits but, soon after that was over there was pretty much no content on this site. frankly i didn’t really like it but, me being the person i am (a huge perfectionist) i just knew that i had to cut something out of my life for that time being to really focus on school. i think now i am starting to be a better planner and i think things will work out this year for the better. i’m managing my time very well and prioritizing and it takes a lot of self control to choose not to do something “fun” and to stay and work on your blog instead but, i think in the log run it will be worth it.

i have kind of taken this thought process and i’m putting it in every aspect of my life. like working out for instance. honestly, i’m not in love with actually working out but, how if feel afterwards (other than hurting briefly) i feel amazing. it lets me know that i am fit and that i can reach my #bodygoals. and i just want to be healthy and ugh i cannot even put everything i want to be into words but, i do know that if i take small steps, conquering one thing at a time i will see results in every place in my life and i don’t regret what i am doing now because i know i’m going to be great.

so i guess the update is that i will blog during the school year but, probably not as much as i am now over the summer because i want to see what i can handle. i will probably just begin with one post per week and i don’t think that is too much to ask for.

alright well i guess nothing else is really changing so see ya




so basically i don’t hang out with anybody but, my family lol

really though i do everything with these guys. and here you are about to see some pretty dope photos of me and the fam doing some serious fitness. usually we’ll go to the gym, track or stairs but today we decided to be a fancy and go to a field. i know “what the heck did you do there?” well there was lots of running, squats, and push-ups. there just so happened to be a football sled there and we used that + people on top of that and pushed it for a certain distance. great workout but those things are super heavy if you didn’t know. football players make it look so easy but, i guess you have to be seriously packin’ to push it.














hellokhaiyah ♡


i love shoes so much and i probably have too many already but, i wouldn’t mind more…. and if i could have more sneakers these are the ones that i want.

and one thing you will find in my sneaker wishlist is that i really just want a couple shoes but in a bunch of different colors. 🙂


Adidas Gazelle Shoes – Core Black, Running White & Metallic Gold $80


Adidas Gazelle Shoes – Off White, Running White & Metallic Gold $80


Adidas Superstar Shoes – Running White Ftw $80


Converse Chuck Taylor All Star II Low Top – White $75


New Balance 574 – Black with White $74.99


Nike Air Max Thea – Beige $95


Nike Air Max Thea – Grey with White $95


Nike Air Max Thea – White with Black $95

wanna buy a pair and send ’em to me? lol

P.O. Box 14034 Durham, NC 27709 United States of America


oh. hey. um. i didn’t know you were going to be here. yeah, same. i haven’t seen you in forever either. how’s life? oh, that’s good i guess. alright well nice seeing you again. don’t be a stranger text me later.

we have all been through that super weird and awkward conversations with someone from our past it could be a friend, a girl/boy friend or even an ex-best friend (those are always the worst suspects). when you see these people at first you try to go for the “oh i didn’t see you there” and ignore their presence until they say something to you and if they don’t you are perfectly good with that even happy that they didn’t say something to you because if they had it would have been the most stupidest conversation you have ever had in your entire life. but some people choose to go go for the “talk to you first and leave.” so here you end up seeing someone you used to see like all the time and you are like and can’t ignore them we used to be so close and for whatever reason in your mind you feel like you need to recreate how good your relationship was when you used to ahem have a relationship. so you talk to them first and try to drag out the conversation (isn’t that the worst) and hug with greetings and partings. i personally think these are the worst because you haven’t been trying to talk to me for the last however long we haven’t been talking and now suddenly you want to have some super long conversation with me when i really probably have somewhere to be. no thanks. this next one is the best one yet the “neither one of us want to talk but we’ll head nod and keep it pushing” long title i know but this is great and i do this one all the time. sometimes i don’t even know if they wanted to talk to me but, i generally don’t really care and i’ll just give the old head nod or maybe a wave and a smile and keep going about my business.

now in all this i am not saying that i don’t like talking to anyone i used to know or that i am just some uppity girl that can’t talk to anyone. that is definitely not what i am saying but, i am saying that i would rather not have to go into all the theatrics (even though i love theater) of trying to have some fake happy conversation with you. that is the last thing i want to do. talk to you like i am happy to see you when i don’t even know you anymore. usually for me it depends on what our relationship was like and how it ended or how we grew apart to know how i will treat you when i see you in five years.

i guess you could just say i don’t like playing games and wasting time so if you don’t like me why when i see you in the mall do you want to create some big ole conversation with me like you are my bestfriend?

#notime #rant #nonewfriends #realfriendsoverfakefriends #imstillaniceperson

so i want to know why does it have to be so awkward anyway? why can’t people just do what comes naturally and if that is not speaking at all and just giving a smile why can’t they just do that? why do people feel like they need to fake something for the other person? trust, we will survive without it.

i hope you guys don’t think i am in a bad place or i have experienced this lately but, it just came to mind and i figured this is a good place to rant about it. that’s why you are here reading this right? because you care about my opinion. if not just tell me what you do want to read about or if you don’t want to read lol.




Tweet wait… what!! you are sixteen already? H16BD SKYEEEE you guys remember Skyzha right? we made a YouTube Channel together called “the collections” and we take pictures together. if you want to see that post click here. so yesterday I went the Cheesecake Factory (which I had never been to before yesterday) and it was […]


wow wow wow. it seems like just last week i was a freshman in high school. i can still remember everything about that day.

think for a second… how far back in your life can you remember your first days of school. i can remember my first day of the third grade and that’s about as far back as it goes for me. my first day of third grade was super crazy and i think that is why i’ll never forget it.

i was going to this school that had three grades in one classroom (1-3 graders, 4-6 graders and 7-8 graders). so obviously i was in third grade and my mom walked me to class as per usual (she still does this now) and i set everything up in my locker and at my new desk and honestly i was kind of scared. and you may be like “yeah well, everybody gets scared on the first day of school” but, i was terrified and that was not common for me (i’m a very confident girl). i was mostly scared because everyone was big and tall and they looked unusually “grown”. the whole time in my mind i’m thinking “these cannot all be 1-3 graders, these people are huge”. so for what seemed like years of waiting we were finally called to this “circle” area and the teacher said he was going to take roll call because we had one student too many and there weren’t enough lockers for everyone. so naturally i was completely confused as to why this school would put too many students in one class but, i figured the problem would be resolved shortly after this roll call. the teacher ordered everyone to move to one side of the room after their name was called so we could see who did not belong in this class. as everyone’s names began to be called and everyone moved i was still sitting there until the end. honestly, looking back on this story now i should have known that i was the wrong person to be in the room because my last name is Barber and i should have been one of the first names to be called (plus i was super small). eventually i was taken to the front office to find my right classroom and when we did i felt so much more at home there. (get this, when i went to fourth grade the next year i was back in the classroom that i thought was mine the year before lol)

so anyway i guess sometimes it’s good to reflect on your life and really look at how you overcame problems and obviously i didn’t die of embarrassment since i am living to tell the tale. this makes me feel much better about being a junior this year. it simply reminds me that people make mistakes and the world will not be over if you do.

i think i am making this post today because i am (much like that first day of third grade) unusually scared for my first day of 11th grade. and i really don’t know why because things really could not be better for me and in my life right now. i go to school in a couple weeks and i think i am actually starting to realize that this is a very telling year for me. in a way i think this year really shows my character and i think the rest of my life almost hinges on this school year. yeah there will be senior year and things are definitely important that year and things change that year as well but, this year is super important. i am taking all of these classes that i know i need so i don’t have a bunch of missing credits next year. i am creating study habits for the rest of my life. i need to decide what i want to do for the rest of my life. where i want to go to college for sure. obviously i have ideas because i made sure i was sure of myself before i even got into high school but, it is so different now because everything is so close and anything can happen now. one wrong decision and everything i’ve worked for and everything i have been shaped to do would go down the drain.

i try not to think about these things too much because it is really scary thinking about tomorrow and what it holds for my life. but i think i have realized that i need to live in the now, of course know the bigger picture and have goals but i can’t just look at what i want to happen in the future, i need to make steps now in my life that get me towards my bigger goal. i am living by this new question that my mom showed me “What’s the one thing I know I can accomplish today that will help me move in the direction I want to go?” this way i won’t be overwhelmed all the time.

the moral of the story here is believe in yourself and make mistakes because it’s the only way you’ll learn but, don’t worry about tomorrow because tomorrow will still be there tomorrow (lol) but today won’t be here forever so live it to the fullest (and make sure you are in the right class on your first day of school 🙂 )

if you made it all the way down here thanks for reading all this (i know it was a lot) thanks for your support


hellokhaiyah ♡