wow wow wow. it seems like just last week i was a freshman in high school. i can still remember everything about that day.

think for a second… how far back in your life can you remember your first days of school. i can remember my first day of the third grade and that’s about as far back as it goes for me. my first day of third grade was super crazy and i think that is why i’ll never forget it.

i was going to this school that had three grades in one classroom (1-3 graders, 4-6 graders and 7-8 graders). so obviously i was in third grade and my mom walked me to class as per usual (she still does this now) and i set everything up in my locker and at my new desk and honestly i was kind of scared. and you may be like “yeah well, everybody gets scared on the first day of school” but, i was terrified and that was not common for me (i’m a very confident girl). i was mostly scared because everyone was big and tall and they looked unusually “grown”. the whole time in my mind i’m thinking “these cannot all be 1-3 graders, these people are huge”. so for what seemed like years of waiting we were finally called to this “circle” area and the teacher said he was going to take roll call because we had one student too many and there weren’t enough lockers for everyone. so naturally i was completely confused as to why this school would put too many students in one class but, i figured the problem would be resolved shortly after this roll call. the teacher ordered everyone to move to one side of the room after their name was called so we could see who did not belong in this class. as everyone’s names began to be called and everyone moved i was still sitting there until the end. honestly, looking back on this story now i should have known that i was the wrong person to be in the room because my last name is Barber and i should have been one of the first names to be called (plus i was super small). eventually i was taken to the front office to find my right classroom and when we did i felt so much more at home there. (get this, when i went to fourth grade the next year i was back in the classroom that i thought was mine the year before lol)

so anyway i guess sometimes it’s good to reflect on your life and really look at how you overcame problems and obviously i didn’t die of embarrassment since i am living to tell the tale. this makes me feel much better about being a junior this year. it simply reminds me that people make mistakes and the world will not be over if you do.

i think i am making this post today because i am (much like that first day of third grade) unusually scared for my first day of 11th grade. and i really don’t know why because things really could not be better for me and in my life right now. i go to school in a couple weeks and i think i am actually starting to realize that this is a very telling year for me. in a way i think this year really shows my character and i think the rest of my life almost hinges on this school year. yeah there will be senior year and things are definitely important that year and things change that year as well but, this year is super important. i am taking all of these classes that i know i need so i don’t have a bunch of missing credits next year. i am creating study habits for the rest of my life. i need to decide what i want to do for the rest of my life. where i want to go to college for sure. obviously i have ideas because i made sure i was sure of myself before i even got into high school but, it is so different now because everything is so close and anything can happen now. one wrong decision and everything i’ve worked for and everything i have been shaped to do would go down the drain.

i try not to think about these things too much because it is really scary thinking about tomorrow and what it holds for my life. but i think i have realized that i need to live in the now, of course know the bigger picture and have goals but i can’t just look at what i want to happen in the future, i need to make steps now in my life that get me towards my bigger goal. i am living by this new question that my mom showed me “What’s the one thing I know I can accomplish today that will help me move in the direction I want to go?” this way i won’t be overwhelmed all the time.

the moral of the story here is believe in yourself and make mistakes because it’s the only way you’ll learn but, don’t worry about tomorrow because tomorrow will still be there tomorrow (lol) but today won’t be here forever so live it to the fullest (and make sure you are in the right class on your first day of school ? )

if you made it all the way down here thanks for reading all this (i know it was a lot) thanks for your support


hellokhaiyah ♡